Wednesday, September 9, 2009
its time to reflect on my time in india. while i was there, my friend jayne recommended me a book to use on my quiet time by henry nouwen. its called, "the only necessary thing," and its a a compilation of parts of his books on prayer. most of it focuses on solitude, while i would say that it home there...its digging deeper here. my solitude was enriching in india. it amazes me how you can be surrounded by the sound on honking horns, people coming in and out of your room speaking a different language then your own, and an unfamiliar world just waiting to be explored and yet your in that quiet place just taking life in. while i am here, i find myself struggling for breath and thinking about what i can get done in my one free hour of the day in order that i can get at least 5 hours of sleep before i get up and go to work again. most of my free time goes to attempting to open up my bible, journal, book, or laptop...and falling asleep in minutes. this spoke to my heart in india...and it is resting on my heart now
"In solitude, we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover in the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us . In solitude we can listen to the voice of him who spoke to us before we could speak to a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone. It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the results of our efforts. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It's there we realize the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is a part of greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be recieved. In solitude we become aware that our worth is not our usefulness."
i need my solitude. i need to be willing to make the sacrafice to give up my shower for the day (or couple of days, if you know me), give up one more hour asleep and be willing to let the lord take this yoke called kolkata. my heart is aching in more ways than i can explain and i need solitude to le His healing words cover my heart. i don't feel like my time is through there...and i yearn for more....
p.s pray for my dear friends rachel and gracie. they are still in kolkata serving at missions of charity. gracie has come done with a parasite in her stomach and hasn't been feeling well.