sometimes...

I have been feeling so blank and full of muted tones. I've been stuck in a muck. The truth is we all ache. We all have growing pains and wonder if we are okay and enough + loved. The thing is - we are. Really. We are enough without all the things we buy to make us much more than we are or need to be. I learn and relearn that silence doesn't protect me. An unexpressed life is very painful to myself and those I love. Dont love halfway. I am learning that loving all the way can ache and sting, but loving halfway doesn't keep me safe. It leaves me with sadness and a hope that could never live outloud. I've been consumed with all this living up to something to 'be something'. Express something! We have such a longing to be understood and loved by the other. Why? Can't it be just this now? Without armor and the shield. Just myself. My vulnerability protects me, not tight control. I hope to love with an open hand and a slow trusting stride. I believe that loving fearlessly is the bravest thing in this world. It's not loving without fear. It's loving fearlessly, courageously [love truly] to be afraid and leap regardless. There is such power in that. I think that relates to all parts of living your life. I think what you felt unlived and unexpressed in love, hurts the most. I wish to commit to grow younger, to let go of my fear as I learn about love . To allow all to be felt there is still so much newness and wonder to feel. Bless the not knowing. Telling my truth in love is like exposing the underside of my wings, we see that part only when we fly.
(sabrina ward harrison)